Fear to Faith

My legs are shaking, I am not able to move and I actually don't even know why.
I always wanted to climb and stand above on high
on a mountain but this is different to what I've expected.
Maybe I should have had this in my prayers corrected
before I found myself standing on this hill of sorrows. 

When someone starts searching for greater things and borrows

stuff that isn't his just to become someone he couldn't ever be,
then it is obvious that at some point he would like to flee
from all the consequences which are coming his way
so that he isn't able and doesn't want to stay
any more on where he just got to.

This is what happened to me when I looked at how great and beautiful
the lives of any random person around me seemed comparing to all
the trials I was facing so I wanted to be more like them and
wasn't willing to think about how everything could get worse on the other hand
I desperately wanted to know who I really was.

I was searching for love where I couldn't ever find
it, I was searching for success and that occupied my mind.
I was comparing myself to all the ones around
me and was satisfied when I found
something that made me look better than them
and was destroyed when I found
something that made me look worse.
I prepared myself for every possible situation but what I didn't want to hear
was the fact that everything I did was driven by FEAR.

FEAR to lose everything that I called my own.
FEAR to fail before I would be able to win the crown
of victory. FEAR to fall down onto a lower level but
also FEAR to take steps and get to a higher stage that
were my FEARS and I had plenty more
and I wasn't where I wanted to be of that I was sure.

So I cried out to God and told Him my whole story
and you know what? He just promised me that I don't need to worry
because in His plans for my life everything was perfectly arranged
even already a long time before my mothers' womb changed
and started growing with myself in and He also said that His
loving thoughts about me are more than the stars and that with
the help of Him I would be able to climb down that sorrow-hill
because His son Jesus Christ has already paid the bill
for me to enter into my own promised land.

When I realised that my life, my future, my destiny, my
everything was planned long time ago with loving thoughts by
the creator of not only heaven and earth but also me
The first time in my life I really started to feel free
and I gave praise to the One who is in control of everything.

So He turned my moaning into joy and
He showed me the truth of my life and
He picked me up from where I was crawling and
He lifted my head for me to see what comes next and
He shared with me His courage 'cause I couldn't find mine and
He truly loved me like no one else could have ever done it and
He even sacrificed His son for me so that I am free now
to come into His presence whenever I want to – WOW!

That's why I started removing all of my FEARS
and all the things that make me burst out in tears
because now I am aware of the One from whom I don't need to borrow
because He gives me joy and wants to carry my sorrow.
So with His help I just changed my FEARS into
FAITH which I put only in Him, the One and Only God –
Yes I do – what about You?

                                                                   [CAROLINE SOPHIE HÖBER]